This post isn’t about how kugel stops heart disease or how studying torah will help you live to 116, but about my Jewish aging process. I’m coming up on my first JewDay. November 17 is my anniversary of going to mikvah and the last 8 months or so of being Jewish have included as much learning as the year preparing to convert.
What I’m struggling with now, (maybe struggle is the wrong word, maybe I mean wrestle) is mellowing my Judaism, aging my Judaism like wine or cheese. Getting it to sink into my skin and pour out of my soul. Huh?
I need to make sure that I DO Jewish all seven days of the week, not just on Shabbat. I need to make sure that I connect with God outside of shul (and I need to make sure we connect inside of shul also) on a daily basis. I need to make room in my life for oneg (joy) with my non-Jewish friends and not fall into an insular life of only being with other Jews.
I needed to be with other Jews this last year, it was important. Without Jewish in-laws, it is my friends from YLD and Emanuel that create my Jewish family. But I have always had great diversity in my friend group and I don’t want to see that diminish by relying so heavily on my Jewish friends.
So the last couple weeks I’ve been trying to work on my Jewish equalizer. Imagine a sound board. The last year, I had had Shul cranked all the way up, but daily prayer was pretty low. I had YLD cranked high, but celebrating with non-Jews too low. I had reading Jewish books cranked and non Jewish books, well that was also pretty high. Hebrew higher than Spanish. Israel higher than Argentina.
Now do all of my old interests need to be emphasized again? No. And can I raise some without lowering others, yes. But something has to give. Sometimes celebrating a joy on shabbat with my non-Jewish family and friends is going to happen and that’s okay. True joyful celebrating should never give me pause. That is a way to bring God into the everyday, nu?
If I say no to you, when last year I would have said yes, please know that I’m trying to find greater balance in my life.
P.S. Yes, this is a cross post, relax.
Nice post. What else are these days for besides assessing our lives and seeing where we’ve missed the mark! Question, though. I wonder what you mean by DOing Jewish? Do mean, as you said, daily prayers, or something else? Curious. Shalom, -dc
Ah David,
That is another post altogether. It means prayer, it means avoiding gossip, it means recognizing a mitzvot if I do one, it means stopping before I eat to thank Hashem for the food, it means… it means an awful lot.
Simplified, it means living life with thought and trying to infuse every moment with meaning. And if I slip on that, to at least have really good Jewish habits. Like prayer. I’m not up to daily prayers yet, but I am on night 11 of a 40 days of saying the shema.
If you grew up observant, that might not sound like much, but when you only became a Jew last year, it is a lot.
Leah
Its a concious approach that I wish more people would undertake. Jewish is Verb, an action, Doing, not just a state of being. Its a practice of action guided by mindfulness, mdeitation led by action, nishma v’naaseh, doing it and hearing it.
Doing Jewish through YLD and JUF and book clubs and the like, even Jewish blogging to a degree, is socio-cultural Judiasm. Like Baalei Tshuvot who start wearing more modest clothing and showing up at shul without knowing how to pray.
You’re seeking a deeper connection, a personal one, and that’s to be applauded. Reform Judaism is about choice, and you’re making one to deepen your practice. Its a journey that might even take you to a differnet form of Judaism. That’s why Halacha is so aptly named. Its not just the way, its the goingm, the path on which your spiritual journey as a Jew will invariably follow, even if only briefly. Each concious choice to observe a mitzvah, informs and enriches one’s life.
Leah,
Bravo to you. That’s a lot to take on and it seems you’re doing it with grace and mindfulness. Thanks so much for sharing!
David